Introspection: In the end what makes life worth living?

English: Playing darts in a pub in London's City

English: Playing darts in a pub in London’s City (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I might have had a slight break too long from the pen or the keyboard, and I feel I have fallen behind on the news when I find myself reading last week’s events around the world. Every time I thought of reading into some matter I was soon to realize that I didn’t have the time for such, and subsequently I’d be dashing out the door.

Yesterday, I decided to have a slight change of pace and stumbled my way into one of my favorite beer houses in Helsinki. I ordered a sweet 12 year old Bunnahabhain and continued to enjoy that Islay Single Malt in meditative peace for both mind and soul. I threw some darts and realized how rusty my skills had become compared to when I last played. And with that, I realized something about myself and my life, I had let go of too many things that I verily enjoyed, things that brought me that unmistakable peace and happiness.

But where was the trade-off? I had no idea where it could’ve happened or why it had happened, but it had in fact happened and there was nothing I could do about it.

This choice of some lone recreation made me miss the time I didn’t have anymore, quality time for myself –no matter how short in duration. I was going somewhere to have a good time alone and I knew I would have that good time, nothing could go wrong and ruin the sweet moment. It was a healthy change from wading from school to work and from work to a bar to a bed, to a breakfast, to a fast forward and repeat. I could even say I felt being alive and confident again.

Even as I am writing this and listening to my thoughts whisper pretty memories, I am overwhelmed by melancholy. I miss living for the moment instead of for tomorrow or next week, or next Spring. There’s nothing here in the now, but tomorrow’s brighter for sure, and foolish optimism pulls me through the day. At least now there will be something for today, and always will be –if I just keep it close.

If you have followed this monologue, I should share the moral of the story with you, if you haven’t figured it already. Remember to give yourself something good every now and then, something that provides solace and intimacy between you, yourself, and your mind.

It’s very important.

Play good now.